ALIENS COMPENDIUM #1

DALEKS

Planet of Origin: Skaro
First Appearance: Doctor Who The Daleks 1963-1964

The Daleks were born on the war-torn planet Skaro. They were genetically created as a way to bring the Kaled people up to their ultimate mutation, a sort of accelerated evolution. Designed to survive the horrors of a war-torn world, the Daleks were created without any positive emotions: pity, compassion, empathy, love have been genetically removed from their psychological make-up. Daleks have but one purpose: to become the dominant species in the universe, and the only way to do that is to kill everything else. Thanks for the universe, there's this errant Time Lord, who has a knack of showing up every time the Daleks are up to no good.

Threat level: Well, it depends, really. Off-screen, they are this force of unremitting evil, committing every kinds of atrocities before breakfast, conquering away whole worlds like it was a walk in the park. On-screen they have been repeatedly defeated by one guy, a bunch of his friends with no weapons and no plans. Make of that what you will.





KLINGONS

Planet of Origin: Kronos (sometimes spelled Qo'Nos)
First Appearance: Star Trek Errand of Mercy 1967

The Klingon Empire was a rival power to the United Federation of Planets for two hundred years, until a catastrophe in 2293 forced them to make peace with their old enemies. By the 24th century both governments were allies.

Klingon culture is militaristic. Klingon males are expected to become warriors serving the Empire while preserving the honor of their family line and acquiring glory for themselves. To die a glorious death is the greatest honor a Klingon warrior can possibly aspire to, taking their enemies along with 'em is the icing on the cake. Klingon culture is rich in age-old traditions, and almost every level of their lives are guided by various rituals and ceremonies. Klingons certainly like pump and circumstances. Klingons are motivated by the desire to expand the empire, conquer enemies and live by a stringent code of honor.

Threat assesment: Klingons are respected and feared throught the Alpha and Beta quadrant of our galaxy. Their military prowess, devastating firepower and relentlessness make them a race to be reckoned with. Woe to any who takes the Klingon lightly. However, Klingons have not been able to defeat either the Federation or the Romulan Star Empire, which lead many to say that, while excellent tacticians, they utterly lack strategic thought on a grand scale.

MARTIANS

Planet of Origin: Mars (No, really!)
First appareance: The War of the Worlds  1898 (1953, movie version)

These beasties invaded our planet in the early fifties and quickly defeated anything we could throw at them. Including nukes. No seriously, these guys mean business. We don't know exactly why they came to Earth, though depleted resources on their homeworld certainly explains it.

With their unstoppable war machines, the Martians were winning every battle and quite possibly the war. So, what saved our asses this time?

Threat assessment: Very high. The Martian possessed advanced technology beyond anything we had up to that point. Their force field could even whitstand atomic weapons. A good thing the Martians concentrated on military hardware because their grasp of biology is not up to scratch. Case in point: it never occurrred to those bastards that Earth's atmosphere may contain organisms that the Martians never developped any imunity to. So, while trashing our military like it was nothing, the Martians died because they got sick.

NAVIGATORS

Planet of origin: Unknown.
First appearance: Dune David Lynch 1984

Technically, the Navigators are not aliens but humans who have mutated into otherwordly beings after many years of regular use of the spice Melange.

The Navigators operate under the purview of the Guild of Navigators who regulate space travel in the Galaxy. And by "regulate" we mean they hold a complete monopoly over it and no star system to star system travel is done without their supervision. They do this by folding the space between star systems, allowing ships to move from one to the other in minimum time. Since ships do not have faster-than-light capabilities, the Navigators are essential and Galactic civilisation woulld quickly fall should they stop (or prevented to) carrying out their duties.

Threat level: By nature the Navigators are not militaristic, but they have the full backing of the Imperial government should things get ugly. However, the Navigators hold the monopoly on space travel, making them one of the most important factions of the Imperium. Therefore, the Empire has a very good reason for keeping them happy. To balance this, the Navigators themselves are dependent on the spice to keep them doing what they're doing and since the drug is only harvested on Arrakis, whoever controls Arrakis controls the spice thus controls the Navigators.

XENOMORPHS

Planet of origin: Unknown.
First appearance: Alien  Ridley Scott  1979

Xenomorphs are a unique species of bio-mechanoids, discovered by accident on planet LV-456.

Xenomorphs have a unique life cycle separated into three discinct forms. Eggs are layed by the Queen and remain dormant until a potential prey arrives. Eggs will open and release the Facehugger. A Facehugger is an arachnid-like creature who has but one purpose, to seek out a potential host and lay the Chestbursters' egg inside it. During this stage the Facehuggers will strangle the host if any attempts are made to remove it while maintaining its victim comatose. Once the egg is layed, the Facehugger will release its victim and quickly die, the host will wake up as if nothing happened.

Yet, for only a couple of hours before the egg hatch out, the creature, a young xenomorph dubbed Chestbursters for its ability to burst open the host's breastplate when getting out. Needless to say, this always kill the host. The Chesburster phase is only temporary, as it will rapidly grow into the adult xenomorph. By then it will have become an unstoppable killing machine.

Threat level: Are you kidding!?!? There is not threat level high enough to account for Xenomorphs. Consider yourself dead if you ever meet one and hope for the best. Who knows? You may be one of those tough bastards that can take anything the universe throws at you. Remember though that one of these almost decimated an 8-man crew, while a hive of them made mincemeat of space marines. Look, Man, there's just one Ripley OK? And she can't be everywhere at once.

JODOROWSKY'S DUNE

Coming on strong following the success of El Topo and The Holy Mountain, mystical director Alejandro Jodorowski was given carte blanche for his next project. He chose to adapt Frank Herbert seminal novel Dune.

Set in the far future, on the desert planet Arrakis where a vital resource is being harvested, the story follows Paul Atreides, a young nobleman who goes on a life-changing journey finally becoming a godlike prophet. Such a story was a shoo-in for Jodorowsky, tying nicely with his own concerns as a storyteller. I've been hearing about this project for years and now, director Frank Pavich gives us the full story of the greatest science-fiction film never made.

With his inspiration set on fire, Jodorowsky set out to assemble a mottley crew of "spiritual warriors" to help him out making the film. And he apparently chose well. For the character designs and storyboard, he hired Moebius, the famous French comic artist with whom Jodorowsky will have a fruitful partnership. For the set and ships designs, he fished out Chris Foss, a British guy noted for his sci-fi book covers. For the Harkonnens (the bad guys), he picked none other than H.R. Giger. Dan O'Bannon was selected for the special effects. For the film's soundtrack, bands like Pink Floyd and Magma (a French prog band) were added to the mix. Talk about chosing the right people for the right project.

As for the cast, you'd have seen Brontis Jodorowsky as Paul (the director's son, who was put into a grueling training program to play the part), Salvador Dali (yes, that Salvador Dali) as the Emperor, Amanda Lear (very famous in the seventies for...being famous) as his daughter, Irulan. David Carradine as the Duke Leto Atreides. Mick Jagger as Paul's rival Feyd. Orson Welles as the Baron Harkonnen (he agreed to play the part provided he could dine at his favourite restaurant every day!). European exploitation veteran Udo Kier as Pieter the Mentat. A most surreal cast for a most surreal movie.

I'm speaking for myself here, but the whole thing would have been mind-blowing, no surprise if you happened to have seen El Topo and Holy Mountain. The only way to "see" the film is to read the exhaustive storyboard by Moebius, which you can't 'cause there's only two copies left in the world. A shame, a real shame as this would have probably heralded a new era in sci-fi movies. Unfortunately, with the release of Star Wars, sci-fi movies would degenerate into the action-packed mindless absurdities we see on screen today.

So, why didn't it get made? Simple. Once the pre-prod was completed, Jodorowsky and his producer Michel Seydoux courted Hollywood for the financing, with disastrous results. Although impressed by the movie's design, the Suits were deathly afraid of a director like Jodorowsky whom they didn't understand and certainly didn't trust to make a profitable film. I wonder, though, why the pair didn't court European studios? After all, the director's two previous films where highly successful on the continent, so what gives? On the other hand, Hollywood was in the midst of its New Hollywood phase, so one wonders why directors such a Francis Ford Coppola (fresh from his successes with the two Godfather movies) couldn't have vouched for him?

The dejected Jodorowsky stayed clear of movie-making for a couple of years after that, and I certainly can't blame him. He became distressed when David Lynch released his own version of the story. Although respectful of Lynch as a director, Jodorowsky wouldn't see the film until prodded by his kids, as a therapeutic gesture. It worked, as he found the film lacking in almost all respects which allowed him to move on.

An excellent documentary about one of cinema's greatest what-could-have-beens. A must see.

TOP TEN FAVOURITE MONTY PYTHON BITS

L to R: Terry Jones, Graham Chapman, John Cleese, Eric Idle, Terry
Gilliam, Michael Palin

1. The Fish Slapping Dance.
2. The Architect Sketch.
3. Argument Clinic.
4. How Not to Be Seen.
5. Ethel the Frog on the Pirahna Brothers.
6. It's the Mind on the phenomenon of Deja Vu. 
7. The Management Training Course. 
8. It's the Arts interview with Arthur "Two Sheds" Jackson.
9. The Vocational Guidance Counselor.
10. The North Minehead Bye-Election.
11. The Upperclass Twit of the Year.
12. The Dirty Fork Sketch.
13. The Whizzo Chocolate Company. 
14. The Ministry of Silly Walks.
15. Ken Clean-Air System.
16. Archeology Today feat. Pr. Lucien Kastner and Sir Robert Eversley.
17. The Philosophy Department of the University of Woolamaloo (AKA Bruces).
18. It All Happened on the 11:20 from Hainault.
19. The Undertaker Sketch.
20. The Exploding version of the Blue Danube.
21. The Bols Story.
22. Sam Peckinpah's Salad Days.
23. Cheese Shop.
24. The Life of Sir Philip Sidney.
25. A Book at Bedtime

....What...no dead parrots?

THE OMEGA GLORY

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

CAPSULE REVIEWS #1

THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE
Tobe Hooper, 1974

Texas Chainsaw Massacre is a rarity in the apocalyptic horror films of the 1970s. It's almost completely devoid of blood and gore, preferring to function on terror alone. Even the titular chainsaw makes only a single victim (and even that is filmed from the victim's back, se we don't actually see anything).

However, the horror of the situation and the resulting growing tension makes for one unnerving movie. And its clear that Leatherface himself is only titularly a bad guy. Obviously autistic, he was just born into the wrong family. Leatherface only kills because strangers have invaded his family home and he panics. However, his homicidal tendencies have been channeled by his crazy relatives, who have become a bit too enamored of working in a slaughterhouse all these years.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre holds together pretty good after all these years. Its restraint in showing the good stuff clearly works in its favour, as it prefers to emphasises horror and terror, a wise move that its many sequels, prequels and remakes have unfortunately ingnored.

THE THING
Matthijs van Heijningen Jr., 2011

Speaking of pointless remakes and prequels, The Thing fits the bill perfectly. A prequel to the 1982 John Carpenter film, The Thing seeks to explain what happened to the Norwegian camp just before the Thing escapes to the American one.

Unfortunately, we already know what happened to them. Watch Carpenter's film if you don't believe me: the Norwegians have dug up the alien space ship, the Thing is found, gets thawed and...well, I guess you can take it up from there. The film offers very little surprise, even less suspense (we already know what's going to happen) and ultimately offers nothing new except...once again...a CGI showcase.

Even in that respect, the movie fails. The Thing may have got itself a makeover after all these years, but it still up to the same tricks (last time however, the actors were able to actually touch the Thing, adding a level of reality clearly absent here). The level of imagination present in 1982 is conspicuous by its absence. Something tells me this hasn't been written by a leaving breathing human being, but by a photocopy machine that has suddenly developped AI.

And that's the problem of prequels in a nutshell: well-made, a prequel might informs us of some forgotten or unknown aspect of a situation we see in the original movie, without changing the narrative. Most of the times, however, they only show us things we already suspected, or gathered from background information. In any case, this one fails at almost every level and cannot be seen as anything other than a complete waste of time.

THE DEVILS
Ken Russell, 1971

The cinematic excesses of Ken Russell are legendary, but every once in a while you can see then methods behind the madness and many of his films holds together far better than others.

Case in point The Devils certainly one of his better films because it has an actual story supported by the growing array of discordant imagery. Set in the explosive period of 17th century France, a time when religious tensions between Catholic and Protestants forced Carnidal Richelieu to take extreme measures to bring back religious unity (by force if necessary). However, when confronted by a rebellious town whose religious unity is a fait accompli, the Cardinal cannot accept this and force the issue by sending corrupt noblemen and insane inquisitors to unravel this hotbed of...harmony by disposing of the one man who stands against him: Urbain Grandier.

However, the dissolute priest (while acting in the best interest of his town of Loudun), offers flanks to criticism so large, than even the lowliest of Stormtroopers cannot hope to miss. In the end, Grandier is undone by his own disastrous reputation as well as by the conspirational forces aligned against him. Watch as city magistrates, priests, nuns and "doctors" work together to destroy their own city. All for the sake of culling the rebels inside it. Loudun residents hoping for a "more perfect union" will be left wanting as any shred of independence shall be stomped by one ambitious Cardinal. And whoever said religion was boring?

DOCTOR WHO-AN ADVENTURE IN SPACE AND TIME

A BBC film crew was lucky enough to shoot the Doctor's first meeting
with the dreaded Daleks

Contrary to popular belief, Doctor Who-An Adventure in Space and Time is not a biopic on the early days of the BBC tv show Doctor Who. No, rather it is a bona fide Doctor Who episode featuring the First Doctor and his original companions Ian, Barbara and Susan.

However, it is set in an alternate reality where the world of the Doctor converge with the real world of 1960s England and the daily travails of producing an amibitous TV show about a time travelling old man and his police box. Very much like Inferno the Doctor has crossed boundaries of space and time and entered a parallel world where he was actually perceived as a fictional character portrayed by typecast character actor William Hartnell.

It only looks like a biopic because that's what Doctor Who does best: make up any sort of programme and then throw the Doctor and his chums in to see what happens. He's done it before, you see. The Doctor has crashed murder mysteries (even one with Agatha Christie herself), Gothic horror movies, Star Wars-like space opera, one of those Greek mythology thingie, a western, a modern-day spy action series with aliens and others as well.

On most occasions, the Doctor is savvy enough to instantly know the rules of the programmes he's crashing, but not this time. Sure, he once inserted himself in someone else's biography (i.e. Marco Polo) but now it's about his own life and we find the Doctor something at a loss. That's why, at some point, we see him standing in front of the control console, completely lost, unable to remember what he's supposed to do. To the point where he needed his eleventh incarnation to anchor things a bit. This must have been extremely confusing for him. Here he was, a Time Lord seen as an unwell, cranky fiftysomething on the comeback trail.

Space and Time offers us the first double narrative in Doctor Who. On one hand we see the Doctor/William Hartnell engaged with Verity Lambert, Sidney Newman, Waris Hussein, William Russell, Mervyn Pinfield, Jacqueline Hill and Carole Ann Ford in producing the Doctor's adventures and on the other hand, we see highlights of the Doctor's most exciting journeys: in prehistoric times, on Skaro, in 13th century China, on planet Vortis and, finally, at Snowcap Tracking Station in 1986 where he met the Cybermen for the first time, and regenerated into his second persona. Luckily, the space-time continuum allowed a BBC production crew film these for all to see.

For the Doctor, however, it's all too much. We see him lose and gain companions at an alarming rate and the years go by around him while he stays the same. It wears a bit thin after a while and he finally relents, agreeing to let go in favour of his second incarnation (who, due to the dimensional gap, is perveived to be younger, fresher and much in-demand character actor Pat Troughton).

Most alarming is the Doctor's inability to understand the rules of the biopic genre. Hartnell's most desperate battles against John Wiles and Innes Lloyd (who succeeded Verity Lambert as producers) are absent, as well as story editors David Whitaker, Dennis Spooner, Donald Tosh and Gerry Davis. The companions, after the holy quartet had come and gone, are reduced to publicity photo cameos. Entire adventures are not even mentioned, let alone protrayed on screen, because the film is only an hour-and-a-half long, and not twenty-six consecutive years of space-time adventures.

BY ANY OTHER NAME

"You see, Captain, turning the crew into these allows you
to save considerably on extras and walk-ins"

Air date: February 23, 1968
Writer: D.C. Fontana & Jerome Bixby
Director: Marc Daniels

Star Trek's second season is usually considered the show's best. While it certainly contains a great number of iconic episodes, I find that the second half of the season lacking in certain respects. We'll get back to that when we discuss the relevant episodes.

I get the feeling that the series is feeling the pinch of budgetary expenditures. While competently written, the plot is overly simple with very little frills and, sadly, very little thrills despite being written by two of Trek's heavy hitters. Well, at least it's not offensively bad, as some late Trek episodes will be. On its own terms, the episode is quite fun to watch, but don't expect too much, eh.

The Enterprise answers a mysterious distress signal and the crew beams down on an unknown planet where they are met with the Kelvans, humanoids wearing the ugliest jumpsuits this side of the galaxy. The leader, Rojan, does not waste time as he immediately orders Captain Kirk to surrender his ship. Of course, Kirk has been threatened by experts so he doesn't take Rojan very seriously. Well, he should 'cause the Kelvans have these little devices on their belts allowing them to paralyse the landing party at the mere touch of a button. Other Kelvans invade the Enterprise where they rapidly take control of things (we are never told exactly how the Kelvans can beam on board the Enterprise, but they can due to the script telling us they can. So there).

As far as evil plans go, the Kelvans' is pretty run-of-the-mill. All they want is a lift back home so they can tell other Kelvans to invade us. Trouble is, they live in the Andromeda galaxy and so the trip will take some time. No matter, the Kelvans will modify the engines so the Enterprise will go faster. Even so, the trip will take roughly 300 years, so only the descendants of the crew will get there.

Meanwhile, Kirk and the landing party are held in custody while the Kelvans get bee-zee. This does grant Kirk the opportunity to plot a daring escape using Mr Spock's telepathic abilities. Unfortunately it backfires horribly and Rojan teaches Kirk a thing or too about compliance.

Just to show Captain Kirk they mean business, Rojan demonstrates another use for their belt devices: it turns a human beings into a tetrahedral block representing the very essence of the victim, including personality traits. Anar, one of the Kelvans (with the ugliest jumpsuit yet) turn two redshirts into these blocks and Rojan, playing a version three-card monte, kills one of the two. Well, at least both of them had bits of dialogue and names, a rare thing for red shirts.

Back on the Enterprise, the Kelvans turn most of the crew into these blocks, leaving only Kirk, Spock, McCoy and Scotty. Yeah, that's right, leave the series regular alive so they can work on a devilish plan to get rid of you. Fantastic, Rojan. And whaddayouknow, they do indeed come up a devilish plan. You see, despite their appearances, the Kelvans are decidedly non-human. Their real appearances is akin to a ten-feet large octopoid. They have taken human forms to save space on their journeys. But they haven't just taken human forms, they have completely mimicked our bodies down to its biological functions. Basically, the Kelvans don't just look human, for all intends and purposes they are human. And as such, they share our human weaknesses.

So, our heroes' plan is to use the Kelvans inability to comprehend their human forms to their own advantage. This is where the fun begins. Scotty takes Tomar down for a drink, and getting fantastically sloshed in the process (leading to Scotty's immortal line 'it's green' when opening a new bottle). Dr McCoy, ever the medical experimenter, pumps enough stimulants in Anar (he of the ugly jumpsuit) to make him edgy and confrontational. As for Kirk, well, being Captain Kirk he will use his most dastardly weapon against Rojan and Kelinda: romance! Yes, Captain Kirk instructs the female Kelinda the ways of the flesh, sending Rojan in a jealous rage.

It works perfectly. Rojan finally can't stand Kirk putting the moves on Kelinda and the usual Star Trek Fight begins. I gotta hand it to Kirk, he's the only man I know capable of engaging in a philosophical debate while punching somebody in the face. Well, I guess when you're a captain you have to multitask all the time. Kirk tells Rojan that if you look human, talk human, behave human and feel human then you're human and that when the Kelvans go home they'll be treated by the other Kelvans like...like Kelvans treat other people.

So basically Rojan has no choice but to admit defeat and settle down on that planet where the episode started. The circle is now complete, when I left, you were the master but......errr, nevermind. Wrong franchise.

Stardate: 4657.5
He's dead, Jim: Rather she's dead, Jim. Yeoman Thompson, quite possibly the only female crewman we actually see getting killed.
Strange new world: The unnamed planet where Kirk and Rojan meet for the first time. The Kelvans permanently settle the planet at the end of the episode.
New life: The Kelvans. Although they look human enough, the Kelvans are actually giant octopuses ten feet in diameter. They are creatures of pure intellect whose bodies do not feel anything superfluous. The Kelvans follow a strict code of conduct and expect those they conquer to follow that code as well. They have travelled 300 years from the Andromeda galaxy in search of new conquests since the heat death of their galaxy is threatening their civilisation.
Kirk's little black book: Kirk romances Kelinda for fun and pleasure.
Reporting for duty: The gung-ho Lieutenant Shea and the unfortunate Yeoman Thompson.
Asessment: A slight episode, but at least the cast have fun with it. The drinking contest between Scotty and Tomar is a must and the sight of the crew reduced to little blocks of sugar is also a highlight.